Patience

It’s been over a year since I started my current job.  Like any other job, there are ups and downs; good days and bad days; days when I’m ready to quit and pay my rent training the canines of the wealthy Westchesterites (Weschesterans? Westchesterers?) and days when I come home glowing from a major accomplishment.  I know, I know – most of you can’t fathom how somebody who works with 30 Golden Retrievers on a daily basis could possibly have a bad day.  Trust me, it’s not the dogs that cause the bad days (exceptions: diarrhea, vomiting, and behavioral issues do account for about 5% of all bad days).  Lately, though, I’ve been having a tough time finding pleasure in my day-to-day job.  The bad days have outweighed the good for whatever reason – usually because of office politics, bruised egos (my own or others’), and general frustrations.  I’ve been struggling and I realized today that I had lost sight of the bigger picture.  I realized that despite all of my frustrations, despite all of the drama and egos and stress and disenchantment that I have grown enormously as a person because of this job.  

Today I watched as the latest group of trainer trainees worked with the latest group of disabled clients.  I saw myself a year ago in their shoes.  I watched them trip over themselves to help these people, to grab the leash, command the dog, not realizing that these are the behaviors that foster dependence, not the independence that the clients crave so much.  We are providing service dogs, not service humans, so unless they want to go home and live with these clients, they better step back.  I watched them become frustrated as the clients “ruined” “their” dogs.  The dogs challenged these clients who can’t move their arms, legs, or speak clearly.  The dogs pulled, they refused the retrieve, they ignored the clients and I watched the trainers jump to the rescue to get the dog’s attention, give treats, give commands, prove that “their” dogs new the commands.  I used to do that.  I used to jump to the rescue but today I stood back and watched trusting that the process would work itself out, as I’ve seen happen repeatedly over the past year.

In the past year, I may have become a better dog trainer, though that’s not obvious.  I may have become a better teacher, a better volunteer manager, or a better office organizer (also not obvious).  The most obvious thing I’ve learned in the past year is patience.  It took 25 years, but, Mom, look!  I am actually patient.  I realized this as I watched one trainer after another give up in frustration working with a particular client with physical and vocal limitations.  This client cannot pet the dog, she cannot produce treats or toys, she cannot move her own wheelchair.  However, this client is mentally incredibly nimble and bright.  She knows all the commands, but it can take up to 3 minutes for her to produce them orally.  It is so tempting to just spit it out, just tell the dog what to do, try to put the words into her mouth in the hopes that saying them before her will make her say them faster.  Instead, I wait.  The door may close 3 times before we get the sequence of commands to get through it, but I’ve got time.  And here’s the kicker – I absolutely adore working with her and admire her as the woman that she is.  And tonight, as I was leaving for the evening, she said to me with a huge smile on her face “You are so good at your job, you’ve taught me so much, you actually listen to me, and I am lucky that you’re working with me.”  Ladies and gentleman, that is what I’ve learned this year and that is why, no matter what, I love my job career.  

I just need a moment...

I am in a horrible mood and feeling very negative towards my life right now.  Venting can be cathartic, right? 

1. There is a burning smell in my house, like burning rubber, and I cannot figure out where it's coming from.
2. I thought I was going to get to the gym today for the first time in a month.  Work beckoned.  This is why I have gained 15 pounds in the past year and feel repulsive.
3. I have to work 4 weekends in a row.  1 down, 3 to go.  This means 5 weeks without a day off.  Not one day. Enjoy your 3-day weekends.
4. My work weeks average 60 hours.  I earn just a smidgen above the poverty level for a family of 1.
5. Since my house is not actually my house, I have been told that I will be getting roommates and that the 2 rooms cells I have used as storage must be vacated.  I have also been informed that people have been coming in when I'm not home.  Oh, and, btw, it's too messy so please clean everything (in your spare time).

FML.

Pursuit of Happiness

It's been awhile since I wrote a blog post.  I could say it's because I don't have time, or because I'm absolutely exhausted all of the time, or because I don't even have time to speak to my best friends, or get a cup of coffee, or pee.  Those are all just excuses.  I think the real reason I haven't posted in so long is because I haven't felt very happy or confident.  I feel like I'm trying to sprint through a marathon.  From the moment I wake up to the moment I hit my pillow at night, I am sprinting.  I love my job, I love the dogs, I love the clients, I love the students.  I also love ice cream, but I'll still get a stomach ache if I eat a whole gallon.  I am literally working myself to death and functioning at a stress level that is way too high to be healthy.  I work more hours than my investment banker little brother, who makes seven times as much money as I do (without a graduate degree).  I would be happy if I spent all of those hours training dogs, but the reality is that I spend most of those hours making spreadsheets, organizing people, managing the madness.  I feel like my training skills are slipping.  I am not the trainer I used to be, I am hearing all my fellow trainers telling me to do things differently and I'm losing my instinct.  My instinct used to be on point.  I think it's just because I haven't seriously trained in ages.  I feel stressed and exhausted.  So, you ask, what are you doing about it?  Well, first things first, I am taking more time for myself.  I am taking better care of my body.  This means thinking ahead about what I'm going to eat when I get home from work at 8:30pm.  This means hitting the gym on all those days I'm not working until 8:30pm.  It means saying "no" when I simply can't add anything else to my plate.  I need to make time for friends and family, even if it's just a phone call.  The bottom line, is I need to work out a better work-life-balance.  I need to take charge of my own happiness. 

Happiness

Regressing

Not rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor finals can stop Paulywog from playing

I find that as the weather gets nicer and graduation nears, my attention span is dwindling.  In college, I could spend an entire day working.  Literally.  16 hours or so.  Jill can vouch for that.  I was so focused and studious that I graduated in 3 years.  Now I have to force myself to focus for 30 minutes and then take a break.  Even during those 30 minutes I get distracted with email, facebook, NYtimes.com, etc.  I literally have the attention span of a squirrel, which I've heard is about 1 second.  Think about it, when was the last time you saw a squirrel focus on something for more than a second?

NYC is very green today

The past few weeks have also been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me.  Apparently I cope with that by regressing from a mature adult into some sort of silly, frivolous child.  I just want to play and do fun things all day.  I am trying very hard to suppress that and just focus (FOCUS, dammit!) on my last assignment before graduation.

There were other things I wanted to vent about in this post.  Namely my dumbass neighbor who won't neuter his increasingly aggressive bulldog because it threatens his own manliness, the final exam I just took asking me to recall the totally irrelevant name of an obscure province in China, the totally stressful commencement speaker competition, and some other things.  But alas... SQUIRREL!

Opinionated Procrastination: Government Shutdowns and Non-Profit Management

Government Shutdown
Dear friends, I am disappointed in you.  My Facebook newsfeed is seemingly void of any discussion of America's most current and shocking failure.  Pia, the stunning and talented American Idol was sent home last night because of your failure to vote.  Instead, I am seeing a constant stream of poorly informed chatter about government shutdowns and Obama's failures.  Don't you understand that a talented Jersey girl's dreams were crushed, just crushed last night?

Ok, in all seriousness, folks, I don't watch American Idol and I'm slightly embarrassed for even knowing about this Pia woman.  I am disappointed, though.  I'm disappointed that people make poorly educated statements blaming Obama and the Dems for this government shutdown.  First of all, the government is shutting down because of our representatives' inability to compromise and play nice for the sake of the American people.  In case you missed Kindergarten, a compromise (definition: to come to agreement by mutual concession) requires give and take from all parties.  So 50% of this crises cannot be blamed on Obama & Co (and I think that's being generous).  Secondly, the reason Congress is getting paid while other deserving and essential employees and troops are not is because the Republicans failed to pass a bill that would stop Congress' paychecks in the event of a shutdown.  Hear that?  So before you go copying and pasting Facebook statuses blaming Obama for the troops and employees not getting paid while he and Congress get their paychecks, let's all remember that Obama & Co not only agree with you, but they tried to do something about it.  Oh, and please, get your shit together about Planned Parenthood before you spout made-up non-facts on the Senate floor.

Non-profit Management
On a very different note, I would like to vent briefly about how not to run a non-profit.  Over the past few weeks I have been stockpiling frustrations with the many non-profits I am involved in and I have compiled a collection of non-profit no nos.  To be clear, this is not directed at any particular non-profit and is based on experiences with at least 5 different organizations and I am not naming names or calling anybody out.

1. When people make a donation, do not include a donation slip in your thank you letter.  That's just tacky.
2. Do not affiliate with poorly planned and distasteful events (eg. beer pong tournaments), even if it does mean money for you.
3. Do affiliate with well-planned, well-organized, and tasteful events (eg. book talks, walkathons, picnics), even when they may not be all about you, especially if it does mean money for you. (#3 is also known as cutting off the nose to spite the face)
4. Do not host an upscale volunteer dinner and tell volunteers that they can't bring a guest/date (even at a charge), especially when the volunteers don't know each other.  Who wants to show up at a formal reception when they don't know a single other person?

Now I must get back to my seemingly hundredth paper in 2 years on the obesity epidemic.  If you haven't had enough frustration, anger, or disappointment in your day, I suggest you check out the pretty colors in this video. 

To Meat or Not to Meat

A vegan friend recently told me that I am “the most ethical non-vegetarian” she knows.  Of course, this was a backhanded compliment as she was implying that I will never truly reach the ethical and moral mountaintop while continuing to consume a meaty morsel every now and then.  I will admit that it is difficult for me to reconcile my absolute love and respect for animals as sentient, smart beings and then eat them.  Just for the record, I would estimate that I eat a vegetarian diet 4 or 5 days a week because I simply prefer most dishes without meat.  But, I devoured a cheeseburger last night and it was delicious.

 

For those of you who know my dream of someday having a pet miniature potbelly pig, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I took the bacon off my cheeseburger and tossed it onto my mother’s plate.  My argument for avoiding pork, though, is a weak one (something Jay’s parents, Jay, and my mother did not hesitate to point out while I claimed my pork-free moral high-ground at the Chinese restaurant on Saturday night).  I think pigs are wonderful.  They are smarter and more socially aware than dogs and I would never eat dog meat (shockingly my apparently moral-less mother claims that she would).  Where do I draw the line, though?  Cows are beautiful, but I’ll eat them.  Chickens are, well, chickens.  I’m not a bird person and don’t like them in either their living or food form.  But what about spinach?  Eggplant?  Don’t these species also fight for survival and deserve my sympathy?  

Get me out of NYC so I can snuggle one of these cuties

 

An article (and it’s a good one, so go ahead and click on that link) in yesterday’s NYT suggests that I am not the only person suffering from this omnivore’s dilemma (I know, this isn't actually what the "Omnivore's Dilemma" was about).  About a year and a half ago, after reading a simultaneously disturbing and fascinating book, I found my solution.  Remember, this is MY solution – one that works for me, not you, or you, or you.  So don’t start with the nasty criticisms, though not-too-nasty criticisms are welcome.  The reasons I have for not eating meat largely revolve around the suffering, fear, and pain experienced by the animals grown for human consumption during slaughter and during their short lives before they are slaughtered.  Ok, so I don’t want any part in inflicting these horrible feelings on bright-eyed cows or sweet, snorting piggies.  Anybody who has read a Temple Grandin book (I’ve read them all and you should too), or witnessed a veterinarian euthanize a beloved pet, knows that animals can be killed peacefully.  There need not be the horrible squealing and torture that is common in slaughterhouses.  The good news is, enough people feel the same way and are willing to pay top-dollar in order to ensure their future food has a relatively comfortable life and death.  The solution for me is to choose only Certified Humane food, in combination with eating less meat and thinking about where all my food, including the eggplant and spinach, comes from.  Certified Humane is a non-profit that inspects every aspect of farm animal treatment and requires that farms meet standards of welfare in order to be certified.  This non-profit is managed independently and is informed by leading scientists, such as Temple Grandin, as well as animal activists (ASPCA), and politicians.  Certified Humane items are easy to find in your local meat and dairy aisle and, for me, the minimal added expense is worth enjoying my food without a side of guilt.  

Look for this logo next time you buy eggs or meat

 

I know my vegetarian and vegan friends will not approve of this sorry excuse for chowing down at the next summer BBQ.  Realistically speaking, though, I think Certified Humane is a huge step for a country whose culture is literally based on consumption of meat (think of the most American of holidays and what's the first thing that comes to mind - gobble gobble).  Sometimes getting a base-hit is better for the game than swinging for a homer and striking out.  Please constructively comment your disagreements, thoughts, support, etc.        

In other news - SOMEBODY ELSE PUBLISHED MY THESIS TOPIC AND I'M MAD! (unless they want to hire me)